Let me tell you the story of a girl


The first six years of her life:


She grew up knowing no one but her mommy
and daddy
and little tiny brother


Her mommy and daddy really
really loved each other.
They both brought her up
learning that each night
before you go to bed
you have to kiss both your mommy and daddy
goodnight


One day her mommy and daddy had to catch a flight
and leave her and her tiny brother with their granny
who wasn't used to kissing her own children
before they went to bed


This little girl's mother
when she was little
instead of having a mommy
to take care of her
she had a nanny
that would tuck her into bed
and give her a peck
on her little forehead


This little girl then learned
that her daddy grew up
without his own mommy
and that when he was fourteen
his mommy had to leave
because something very mean
invaded her body


Then this little girl
grew up some more
and met her very first
friend
whose mommy and daddy's life
had to come
to an early end

This little girl had a friend
who was a boy
and both their mommies
talked a lot
One day his mommy's
eye
was black
and this little boy
left his home
and to this very day
he never came back.


Now this little girl
whose parents had taught
that the world was made of everything nice
she started to doubt
that little thought
and that everyone's friends
had two parents
and love
was not
what everyone
was brought
up with.


So the little girl,
our little friend
was once good at maths
until high school algebra
dragged her into a most perplexing world
of Xs and Ys



and that was the sort of change she could handle.

Until she started to ask why

Why was everything changing so fast



This little girl kept growing
and seeing
all the good in the world
as it went by
and waved
goodbye


For years
She watched as the sky
told her that she'll never live on a cloud
and
she saw her mother scream
and her father cry
and

she had her first bad dream

and in high school she failed her 

maths test

and 

her best

friend

was in blood

and she held her hand

in an ambulance

and suddenly

everything

didn't seem very nice

when she was in a room

that was very very dark

and someone had just died

and she couldn't cry

This little girl

who wasn't little anymore 

watched the world change

and it wasn't as easy to handle

as those Xs and Ys

and she always asked why

Until one day

she got very

very angry

and smashed a plate

to the ground

and a remote control 

into her not so tiny brother's

head

and there was blood

and she laughed

and had no fucking clue who she was

at this moment

the world was no where

near nice

Let's draw this little girl
in our minds
and put hair over her head
and let's call her she
She is me.

She is me
and she used to
run and kiss her mommy
before she went to school
but now I don't tell
my mother how
much I love her
anymore

and she used to love
so much
and I
have no clue
what love feels
like to you
because to me
love used to be
this drum
that beat
against the walls of my heart
that robbed me
of sleep
at night
and now
I sleep like a baby
because love
stopped striking
and the beat
is dead
and
every night
I crawl into bed
and
whisper to the sky
and wish
that I'd be
this little
girl
one
more
time.